uncorked? not yet...

I dunno. I need some space to open up. That's why I made this place for myself. I'm corked. I feel trapped. Stuck. Don't like it. I've been around long enough to recognize when I'm feeling that way that it's something inside that's stuck, something unsaid that needs to be said but is trapped. I got a bone in my throat that needs to come out, but today's not the day. It's still tricky, even here. It's still public, and what I need to express is of a very private nature. Not mine - I'm transparent to a faretheewell - I prefer to let it all hang out, all over the place, cumquat may. I don't like secrets at all, and have a hard time distinguishing between what's private and what's secret. When it comes to others' boundaries, of course that's their call, not mine. But the truth is, others' secrecy/privacy does affect me. In fact it makes me very sick. Sometimes. Some secrets can. They can alienate me, disconnect me from others, from what's real, and for me that's the worst thing. So, it's tricky. So I don't know about cork, yet. what I do know is I so want to just let it pop - I also know something's got to give, and I know even better it'll come out sideways if not out the top. Sideways is not our friend. I need a vent-buddy. Been saying that for years. Hoping this blog-spieler could be something of a stopgap. Maybe. It's weird tho, because I know someone's listening. I kind of like it tho? It's somehow comforting. It's lots worse feeling corked and invisible. I feel like that a lot. Have for a long time. It gets old. So this is like a confessional, then, a place to tell my truth, however haltingly or abridged. It's still something. It's a way to "chunk it down" like Marilyn said. So we'll see. There's got to be a way to uncork without spilling someone else's beans, or hitting someone else in the eye with an ill aimed flying cork. I'll figure it out. But not altogether today, it would seem.

Thanks for the ears, dears. I know you're there. I can feel you. Crazy, isn't it? This virtual space? This word-world. Where we can be so close and so far away at the same time? Odd sensation, that. Not sure what to make of that, either, but thats another day's topic. For now, this'll be my entry for today. Not too exciting, or funny, but... it's mine. And it's what's happening, abtract and obscure as it is. It's only words, and words is all I ha-a-ve...